Jakob Nielsen and the Marauding Dinosaur
Wednesday January 3, 2007
Jakob Nielsen has been delivering articles to my inbox for some time now. Watching the Jurassic Park films over Christmas, I was reminded of his recent Usability in the Movies — Top 10 Bloopers. Nielsen has also seen Jurassic Park and notes the Unix system preferred by Richard Attenborough’s IT department:
In the film Jurassic Park, a 12-year-old girl has to use the park’s security system to keep everyone from being eaten by dinosaurs. She walks up to the control terminal and utters the immortal words, “This is a Unix system. I know this.” And proceeds to (temporarily) save the day.
Leaving aside the plausibility of a 12-year-old knowing Unix, simply knowing Unix is not enough to immediately use any application running on the system. Yes, she could probably have used vi on the security terminal. But the specialized security system would have required some learning time — significant learning time if it were built on Unix, which has notoriously inconsistent user interface design and thus makes it harder to transfer skills from one application to the next.
Watching the film the other day I sniggered to myself at this scene but I let it go. After all, I’d already accepted the premise that scary dinosaurs were on the loose, so I was prepared to let a clever kid hack into the Jurassic Park operating system and breeze through its user interface.
I always enjoy Jakob Nielsen’s articles, but he’s onto a loser if he thinks he’s going to find plausibility in the movies. I hope his enjoyment of Jurassic Park wasn’t spoiled, with him throwing his popcorn into the air and storming from the cinema ten minutes before the end shouting “this isn’t plausible!” Listen Jakob, I’m going to propose a little less attention to plausibility in the movies. My daughter loves the Jurassic Park films but was bored by the first half hour or so of the first two instalments. These are the introductory parts to the films, delivered quite lazily I thought in the second chapter, where everything has to be explained:
- Who and where the hero is
- What and where the trouble is
- How it all started
- How bad it is
- Why the villain/troublemaker would like the hero to go to where the trouble is
- How, even though they have initially refused, the hero realises that they have to go to where the trouble is
- The fun can now start…
In Jurassic Park II, this translates as:
- Jeff Goldblum visiting Richard Attenborough
- Dinosaurs are now on their own island
- Quick recap (how we got dinosaurs, the previous adventure, how they got on the island)
- Dickie asks Jeff to go there to take some pictures (maybe to set up one of those one a day photo blogs that are cropping up everywhere)
- Jeff says “no thanks!”
- Dickie informs him that his girlfriend is already there and in danger, so he might like to reconsider. Jeff changes his mind
- The fun can now start…
Why can’t we just have a very brief scene-setter at the beginning of the film, perhaps a voice-over announcing:
The dinosaurs are now on an island. Jeff Goldblum is there with a woman and a child. Danger.
For Jurassic Park III it could be:
More scary dinosaurs chasing people, mainly because a trilogy tends to suit DVD packages quite well.
Simplicity is the approach adopted by most of the Japanese monster films, and I’m sure one began with the simple but to the point “here is Godzilla…” I just don’t need the ins and outs to explain a scenario that will always remain fantastic. This is why I could never be bothered with Star Wars, where half of the films are taken up by explaning who’s who, who’s who’s dad/sister and what’s already happened/is going to happen. And I gave up on Star Trek when I went to see one of the films with a friend who felt obliged to provide a detailed running commentary for ninety minutes.
We watched a lot of cinema and made for television films over Christmas. Few of them were plausible and many offered irritating sub-plots. Most were generally confusing, and became more so when people asked questions over important dialogue. Some of the queries raised in our crowded household included:
- “What’s in that little canister?” Jurassic Park I
- “Why have they got out of the car? Why has he run into the toilet?” Jurassic Park I
- “Who’s hand is that?” Addams Family Values
- “Why has he turned into a skeleton?” Pirates of the Caribbean
- “Why is her husband having an affair?” Calendar Girls
- “What’s Bill Murray’s relationship with the boy?” Rushmore
- “How did the aeroplane go through time?” Episode of Torchwood
- “Who’s hand is that?” Episode of Torchwood
- “Who are Pete Postlethwaite and those other men?” Jurassic Park II
- “Why have they taken the eggs?” Jurassic Park II or III
- “Who are the aliens?” ET
- “Is he the baddy?” Pirates of the Caribbean
- “Is that Billie Piper?” Philip Pullman adaptation starring Billie Piper
- “How did she end up on the Tardis?” Christmas Doctor Who
- “Why has he stolen the smaller ship?” Pirates of the Caribbean
- “Is that his friend?” Pirates of the Caribbean
- “Why is she crying? Oh yes – this is the best bit! (pause) Why is she crying?” Love Actually
- “Who’s hand is that?” Jurassic Park I, II or III
Other distractions include the spotting of actors who may or may not have appeared in other things, which always prompts exclamations such as “it’s him!” or “is that the bloke from This Life?”
I always give the same answer. “Sshhh!”
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